Exam stress gets to us all, and in my particular case, it left me with an insatiable desire to get incredibly drunk and forget the fact I was epically failing my degree. However, due to aforementioned epic failing, my instructions to Abby were very firm:
‘I am NOT drinking. No. We’re going to go for an hour and then we’re coming straight back to study, ok?’
‘Of course’.
Two hours later I was standing at the bar, already on my fourth shot of tequila and my head beginning to spin. Despite this, the evening promised to be fairly uneventful. I would probably have stumbled home slightly tipsy, but nothing more would have come of it. At this point however, Alexis made an appearance and I think Abby and I knew that everything would go downhill from here. Now I’m not going to lie. Alexis is insanely good looking, and despite his apparently rabbit-esque technique, he has the kind of arrogant-i-know-i-can-make-you-scream look in his eye which sends shivers down my spine and gives me numerous late night fantasies.
Anyway, Alexis walks in, black shirt and jeans and whilst Abby had already banged Alexis on a couple of occasions (see Abby post) I had not-and Abby was more than willing to share.
Three more shots of tequila and two of black sambuca and my common sense had long since disappeared. Before I knew what was happening, Abby and I were flirting outrageously with Alexis, our hands on his thighs, my breath coming fast as my brain dimly registered that this night would probably be more eventful than originally thought. By midnight Abby and I were proclaiming our love for each other, had shared several steamy kisses with Alexis, I had already dropped my phone on three occasions, not to mention left my money at the bar and dropped my credit card in the loo. So when Alexis asked to take us home, it was, mainly, from a desire to not die on the way back. Once we arrived however, things took a rather interesting turn...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Goodbye sex
How many of you have ever had your hearts broken? I could put substantial money on the assumption that every single person who reads this has. Let’s be honest, it sucks. Big time. But, as the old adage goes- every cloud has a silver lining. In the case of breakups it’s the goodbye sex- or in my virginal case- the goodbye kinky-time-which-stops-short-of-sex-even-though-I-really-want-to. Goodbye sex is criticised by most physiologists- it reminds you of what you have lost, it makes you think the relationship might work, and it may even lead to the misguided perpetuation of the relationship on purely sexual grounds. However, in my (albeit limited) experience, however, goodbye sex is the perfect way to end a relationship- its no-strings attached hot sex, with someone you love- a rarity indeed.
Case in point: my first love- Sam. The summer we had spent apart had been one long argument so when he appeared at my front door after almost four months apart we both knew that we were over. But let’s face it- four months apart had made us both crazy horny, so before we could even begin to argue, he had thrown me on my bed and was kissing me heatedly, his hand already in my pants. My breath came fast and I could feel his erection pressing up against me. Four months of holding in my sexual appetite (whilst my job involved lots of topless men) meant that I lost all control. I rolled him onto the floor, straddled his torso, tore off his shirt (literally, I found another button of his whilst vacuuming a few days later) and started kissing and biting, hungrily licking his naked body.
Everything past that is somewhat a blurred memory and the experience left me with a broken heart, three hickeys, numerous scratches and a HUGE bruise on my posterior (don’t ask) but what can be said is how good the kinky time was. Something about that ‘last time’ feeling meant that I tried all those things I was always too afraid to, I didn’t care what Sam thought of my body, or how tired he was, or anything else- all there was a desperate need to consume him and hold him one last time. So whilst break-up sex can in fact lead to further emotional problems, in my experience, break-up sex is like a good one-night stand- it only happens once and you remember it for a lifetime.
Case in point: my first love- Sam. The summer we had spent apart had been one long argument so when he appeared at my front door after almost four months apart we both knew that we were over. But let’s face it- four months apart had made us both crazy horny, so before we could even begin to argue, he had thrown me on my bed and was kissing me heatedly, his hand already in my pants. My breath came fast and I could feel his erection pressing up against me. Four months of holding in my sexual appetite (whilst my job involved lots of topless men) meant that I lost all control. I rolled him onto the floor, straddled his torso, tore off his shirt (literally, I found another button of his whilst vacuuming a few days later) and started kissing and biting, hungrily licking his naked body.
Everything past that is somewhat a blurred memory and the experience left me with a broken heart, three hickeys, numerous scratches and a HUGE bruise on my posterior (don’t ask) but what can be said is how good the kinky time was. Something about that ‘last time’ feeling meant that I tried all those things I was always too afraid to, I didn’t care what Sam thought of my body, or how tired he was, or anything else- all there was a desperate need to consume him and hold him one last time. So whilst break-up sex can in fact lead to further emotional problems, in my experience, break-up sex is like a good one-night stand- it only happens once and you remember it for a lifetime.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
SEX LIST 2
*see sex list 1 – this is now the list of people I would like to bang.
1. Bartender/ Waiter
2. Drummer/ Guitarist/ Violinist/ Tenor
3. Sports guy- basketball player/ hockey player/ horserider
4. Porter/ electrican
5. Alexis (see ‘Abbey’ Post)
6. Fireman/ Policeman/ Army guy
7. Doctor/ Psycholgist
8. Siblings
9. Random
10. Black Man
11. Personal Trainer
12. Actor
13. Toyboy/ Man-slut
14. Older (significantly) man
15. Ashton Kutcher
16. Married man
17. Virgin
18. Chippendale
19. Abercrombie and fitch/ calvin klein model
20. Italian/Portuguese/ Spanish/ French/ Greek man.
again...your thoughts please! :)
1. Bartender/ Waiter
2. Drummer/ Guitarist/ Violinist/ Tenor
3. Sports guy- basketball player/ hockey player/ horserider
4. Porter/ electrican
5. Alexis (see ‘Abbey’ Post)
6. Fireman/ Policeman/ Army guy
7. Doctor/ Psycholgist
8. Siblings
9. Random
10. Black Man
11. Personal Trainer
12. Actor
13. Toyboy/ Man-slut
14. Older (significantly) man
15. Ashton Kutcher
16. Married man
17. Virgin
18. Chippendale
19. Abercrombie and fitch/ calvin klein model
20. Italian/Portuguese/ Spanish/ French/ Greek man.
again...your thoughts please! :)
SEX LIST 1
It remains my goal in life to loose my virginity at some point within the next couple of years. When I have done so, I intend to have sex in as many and as varied places as possible in order to fulfil very many sexual fantasies which remain untouched. Here is the list of places I want to bang, feel free to comment and add more places, which I will happily add to the list!
1. Office
2. Tent
3. Field
4. Erotic Sex Party
5. Three-way
6. Library
7. Museum
8. School
9. Backstage
10. Grand Piano
11. With a parent in the house
12. Stable
13. Against a tree
14. Cinema
15. Eiffel Tower
16. Church
17. Woods
18. Lift
19. Pool
20. Beach/In the sea
your thoughts please...
1. Office
2. Tent
3. Field
4. Erotic Sex Party
5. Three-way
6. Library
7. Museum
8. School
9. Backstage
10. Grand Piano
11. With a parent in the house
12. Stable
13. Against a tree
14. Cinema
15. Eiffel Tower
16. Church
17. Woods
18. Lift
19. Pool
20. Beach/In the sea
your thoughts please...
Cunnilingus- It’s like a holiday for your vajay-jay
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Monday, May 24, 2010
All Nighters
So, I’ve not been to sleep in almost 24 hours and my bed beckons me for some epic shut eye. Some thoughts however before I visit the land of Nod. These thoughts are, in fact, on all-nighters which I have found to go through four distinct phases (question in point- yesterday evening/ this morning).
Phase 1- Manic Motivation
You have realised that your essay/ lab report/ exam is due in the following morning and that without it you may in fact fail your degree. This fills you with general panic and the desire to remain in university and thus leads to crazy typing/ writing/research.
Phase 2- Delirium
This is the point where the sheer stress of attempting to write 3000 words in less than 24 hours takes a toll on your sanity. This stage leads to ridiculous comments (is Africa a country?), the changing of your facebook status (FUUUUCCCCKKKKK), impulse buying (£20 for a keyring) or simply giving up on the idea all together.
Phase 3- Caffeine
This is where the energy from the last two stages runs out you begin fall asleep/ drool all over your computer/ notes/ presentation/ lab report. It calls for vast amounts of caffeine usually in the form of industrial strength coffee- or in my case, Diet Coke- a substance to which I am, sadly, addicted.
Phase 4- Fuck it.
Your feelings towards aforesaid piece of work closely resemble hatred/ general loathing and fantasise about sleeping/ripping up and burning your work. You give up on your work and submit it hastily, exactly one minute before the deadline. You then collapse, fully clothed, into bed.
It must be the general delirium from the lack of sleep that has led to this somewhat random post, I hope to not have bored you too much, I am for bed! Here is a facebook page with their own version of all nighter action:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Five-Stages-Of-an-All-nighter/110468565665164
Phase 1- Manic Motivation
You have realised that your essay/ lab report/ exam is due in the following morning and that without it you may in fact fail your degree. This fills you with general panic and the desire to remain in university and thus leads to crazy typing/ writing/research.
Phase 2- Delirium
This is the point where the sheer stress of attempting to write 3000 words in less than 24 hours takes a toll on your sanity. This stage leads to ridiculous comments (is Africa a country?), the changing of your facebook status (FUUUUCCCCKKKKK), impulse buying (£20 for a keyring) or simply giving up on the idea all together.
Phase 3- Caffeine
This is where the energy from the last two stages runs out you begin fall asleep/ drool all over your computer/ notes/ presentation/ lab report. It calls for vast amounts of caffeine usually in the form of industrial strength coffee- or in my case, Diet Coke- a substance to which I am, sadly, addicted.
Phase 4- Fuck it.
Your feelings towards aforesaid piece of work closely resemble hatred/ general loathing and fantasise about sleeping/ripping up and burning your work. You give up on your work and submit it hastily, exactly one minute before the deadline. You then collapse, fully clothed, into bed.
It must be the general delirium from the lack of sleep that has led to this somewhat random post, I hope to not have bored you too much, I am for bed! Here is a facebook page with their own version of all nighter action:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Five-Stages-Of-an-All-nighter/110468565665164
The Not So Virginal Mary's Guide to Effective Procrastination.
If you are a student in London, or in fact, any sort of university student, you will quickly become the master of an art commonly known as 'Procrastination' or in layman's terms: Eat, Sleep, Facebook. For those of you yet amateurs at this task, I have written my own personal guide to the much under-appreciated art of Procrastination.
To begin an effective day of procrastination one wakes up around 1 o'clock. This substantially shortens the time in which you might feel guilt about not studying and can dedicate a suitable number of hours to Procrastination. Ideally, for optimum Procrastination Potential, you should wake up with a hangover. This gives you an extra hour and a half to groan in bed/ observe your drunken bruises and wonder how you got them/ try not to puke. Bonus points for waking up with someone in your bed- this gives you an extra half an hour to wonder who they are/ hope they leave soon/ contemplate various outrageous scenarios about how they got there.
If capable of eating, 'breakfast' is on the agenda (normally pizza/ some other sort of leftover from the night before). One must then move on to the god of Procrastination- Facebook. Whether you are facebook stalking, judging people's photos, updating your status, or simply refreshing the 'Home' page in the hopes that something of use/ interest might actually appear, Facebook can provide a successful Procrastinator with hours of harmless fun. At this point it is normally 4 in the afternoon. Depending on your state of mind you may, in fact, decide to go back to bed, as 4-6 is optimum student 'nap-time'. Failing sleep however you may be struck by the unnatural desire to actually do some university work out of sheer boredom/ a desire to not fail your degree. This unnatural impulse must be ignored- once work begins one is no longer Procrastinating. Therefore one must choose between either watching TV, tidying one's room or showering. This can take up to two hours and includes a mixture of all three 'essential' activities.
By six o'clock, food (normally take-out- cooking is too much effort) is once more on the agenda, followed by human interaction with those in your building. This human interaction usually includes more comparisons of war stories, anecdotes about drunken escapades and the usual drunken gossip about who shagged the ugly-est/ fat-est/ wierd-est/ kinky-est random the night before. By eight o'clock, whilst still nauseous from the night before, you may begin pre-drinking, leave the house (already drunk) for a club at 11 and if your next conscious memory is that of your bed the next afternoon, you may congratulate yourself on having successfully Procrastinated all day.
The Not So Virginal Mary (failing her degree)
To begin an effective day of procrastination one wakes up around 1 o'clock. This substantially shortens the time in which you might feel guilt about not studying and can dedicate a suitable number of hours to Procrastination. Ideally, for optimum Procrastination Potential, you should wake up with a hangover. This gives you an extra hour and a half to groan in bed/ observe your drunken bruises and wonder how you got them/ try not to puke. Bonus points for waking up with someone in your bed- this gives you an extra half an hour to wonder who they are/ hope they leave soon/ contemplate various outrageous scenarios about how they got there.
If capable of eating, 'breakfast' is on the agenda (normally pizza/ some other sort of leftover from the night before). One must then move on to the god of Procrastination- Facebook. Whether you are facebook stalking, judging people's photos, updating your status, or simply refreshing the 'Home' page in the hopes that something of use/ interest might actually appear, Facebook can provide a successful Procrastinator with hours of harmless fun. At this point it is normally 4 in the afternoon. Depending on your state of mind you may, in fact, decide to go back to bed, as 4-6 is optimum student 'nap-time'. Failing sleep however you may be struck by the unnatural desire to actually do some university work out of sheer boredom/ a desire to not fail your degree. This unnatural impulse must be ignored- once work begins one is no longer Procrastinating. Therefore one must choose between either watching TV, tidying one's room or showering. This can take up to two hours and includes a mixture of all three 'essential' activities.
By six o'clock, food (normally take-out- cooking is too much effort) is once more on the agenda, followed by human interaction with those in your building. This human interaction usually includes more comparisons of war stories, anecdotes about drunken escapades and the usual drunken gossip about who shagged the ugly-est/ fat-est/ wierd-est/ kinky-est random the night before. By eight o'clock, whilst still nauseous from the night before, you may begin pre-drinking, leave the house (already drunk) for a club at 11 and if your next conscious memory is that of your bed the next afternoon, you may congratulate yourself on having successfully Procrastinated all day.
The Not So Virginal Mary (failing her degree)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Abby
Abby is my best friend. She's a lot like me- innocent on the outside but with a mouth like a sailor and a sexual appetite to match. Lucky for her, whilst her social background is just as conservative, she doesn't face the social prison that my academic success and relative fame there-of have afforded me. I can assure you that my blog will contain numerous stories of her sex-capades as I continue to live vicariously through her. To give you an idea of her 'kinky-fun-time', as she calls it, I will tell you of her latest conquest.
It began in september, we had just moved into our flat and Abby, in her classically Abby way, was excited at the prospect of the 'hot, new men' that might live in our building (she gets bored very easily). The opportunity presented itself rather readily. The character in question- a cocky foreign guy by the name of Alexis- had a smile that was enough to make you want to slam him against a wall and have your way with him. Which is what Abby promptly did. She's not one to beat around the bush and a quick roll around in the sheets with a self-confident man was not something she was going to turn down. A facebook add and a couple of texts later and she was up in his room, getting heartily nailed on his desk/ floor/ bed/ many other flat surface while she moaned in ecstasy. Unfortunately for her, he had a rather rabbit-esque technique (her words not mine), so whilst his rough-and tumble approach, foreign charm and phenomenal finger play was welcomed, she certainly did not enjoy being pounded like a hammer hitting a nail. Safe to say, she slept with him a few more times, and has since moved on, commending his efforts, but refusing to return (despite his numerous attempts) to his suave apartment for a sexual experience which rates a mere 6 in her sexual book
So that is Abby- brawn, brains, sexiness and massive boobs- one of the protagonists in my story of self-discovery which I have so cheekily entitled- The Not So Virginal Mary. I hope to write again soon telling you more about my world, and the life of a London student- I can assure you that this post is a tame taste of what is to come.
Until my next posting.
The Not so Virginal Mary.
It began in september, we had just moved into our flat and Abby, in her classically Abby way, was excited at the prospect of the 'hot, new men' that might live in our building (she gets bored very easily). The opportunity presented itself rather readily. The character in question- a cocky foreign guy by the name of Alexis- had a smile that was enough to make you want to slam him against a wall and have your way with him. Which is what Abby promptly did. She's not one to beat around the bush and a quick roll around in the sheets with a self-confident man was not something she was going to turn down. A facebook add and a couple of texts later and she was up in his room, getting heartily nailed on his desk/ floor/ bed/ many other flat surface while she moaned in ecstasy. Unfortunately for her, he had a rather rabbit-esque technique (her words not mine), so whilst his rough-and tumble approach, foreign charm and phenomenal finger play was welcomed, she certainly did not enjoy being pounded like a hammer hitting a nail. Safe to say, she slept with him a few more times, and has since moved on, commending his efforts, but refusing to return (despite his numerous attempts) to his suave apartment for a sexual experience which rates a mere 6 in her sexual book
So that is Abby- brawn, brains, sexiness and massive boobs- one of the protagonists in my story of self-discovery which I have so cheekily entitled- The Not So Virginal Mary. I hope to write again soon telling you more about my world, and the life of a London student- I can assure you that this post is a tame taste of what is to come.
Until my next posting.
The Not so Virginal Mary.
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